My wife and I have three kids. She has been complaining about them. They were driving her crazy and she needed a break.
“Mimi haki nachoka na hawa watoto” she said.
“Sasa tufanye?Ama tuwauze?. Si ni watoto wako?”, the clueless me asked. I just didn’t get it.
“Haki Mimi nikapata pahali nijifiche for a few days away from them naweza furahia sana”
I didn’t say anything. Just looked at her. This woman doesn’t want her kids to be hers for a few days.
“Did you know you can talk to them without shouting at them?”, I told her. She just threw me a bad look. Then moved closer to me.
And I looked at her eyes. I saw how serious she was. And I noticed she wasn’t herself. There was a look of tiredness on her face. You see,we had an agreement with her before we even got married.
That,every time we have a baby,she would stop her life for the kids for three years and stay at home and look after them. Once they start going to school,even if she want to move to another country,I will be there to look after them. We had planned two kids. Then Covid gave us another baby.
Do not try to use days of monthly cycle as the only birth control method? Or wacha tucheze cheze hivi then when am about to nut,nivae CD….The evidence that method ni urimo is now 2 years.
“So,ni wapi unaweza enda on a budget for 3 days?”,I wanted to know. She needed a break. That I could see.
“Ushago. Wacha pia Mimi niende nitembelee mamangu kidogo”,she said. I agreed. She left on a Saturday.
That weekend,I took the kids on a drive. My small people walijibamba. They were ecstatic.
Come Monday,a school day,Kizaa zaa kilianza hapo. Pandemonium. When I woke up to prepare them for school,the two year old Toddler woke up with us too.
“Mom iko,mom iko?”,She wanted to know were her mom was. I explained Mom anakuja.
“Mimi nataka mom. Daddy,Mimi nataka mom”, she insisted.
I told her,” Mamaa,she is named after my mom,tutaenda kuchukua mom hawa wakienda shule”. Her response,She started wailing.
“Daddy,kiatu yangu ikoo”, my 5yr old boy wanted to know.
” Kwani tunavaa na wewe. Tafuta kwenye uliweka”,I replied. He sat down and looked at me.
“Na wewe unafanya nini sasa”, I asked my eldest daughter. She is 9 and was writing something in her books.
” Namalizia homework. Nilisahau kumaliza. Daddy njoo unisaidie. Huyo mwalimu ni mkali”,she said.
I started feeling some type of bad way. My daughter is in my legs still asking where the heck her momma was. At one point I shouted sijui. Makosaaa. She increased her wailing volume. You can’t achieve a lot when she is wailing and you are her father.
My son was still in the same spot looking at me. Unbothered. Not even looking for his lost shoe.
“Wajua utaenda shule na crocs”, I shouted for the first time that morning. It felt good. It got him up to action. And he started pretending to look for his shoe.
At that same moment,maziwa I was boiling ikaanza ile ujinga ya maziwa. Ikamwagika. Sheeeenziiii kama mia nikasema.
” Kila mtu awache kitu anafanya saa hii na asikize”,I said. “Kila mtu ajitayarishe in 5 mins. Basi iko karibu”,I added.
” Dad,unashout.”my daughter said. I told her,shouting in a saprano sikujua I had,”nitakukanyaga kama hutakuwa umemaliza kuvaa in 5 mins”….
“Utamkanyaga na gari?”,my son who had not found his shoe wanted to know. I kept quiet and joined in the search. Found his shoe, and the other shoe was now lost.
Kidogo kidogo piiiiii piiiiiii piiiiii and more piiiiiiii nje. Basi ya shule. A second after a second piiiiiiiiii piiiiiiiiii piiiiiiiii..I went outside.
” Nikuulize,kwani umekalia hio horn?. Why are you hooting like a mad person?”,I wanted to ask him that. Instead,I said,”wewe enda nitawadrop shule”. Driver clicked like those women in the Nigerian movies. Nikajiambia,”bro usinianze please”.
Back to the house,with my toddler in tow,nikawekea watoi breakfast. Milk and mkate. My son said,”Mimi hukula wheatabix asubuhi”. Nikamuuliza,”kila siku?”. Kaninja nodded. Nikajiuliza kimoyo moyo,”na kwani niliomoka bila kujua?”.
I asked him to take the bread and take that nonsense later akitoka shule. He took a slice akasema ameshiba. I had to throw them in the car niwapeleke shule. After kuwatishia,Mimi sio mama yao Mara kadhaa.
My katoddler slept on the car,on our way back. I spend the day driving her around.
On Tuesday, I gave the kids off from school. Yes,hawakuenda shule. I begged their mom over the phone to come back or the kids would stay at home the whole week. I didn’t like I was shouting in high pitches than her. People,Niko na saprano ya Celine Dion…..My Blood pressure was twerking sasa. She came back on Tuesday.
Every now and then,I wake up with the kiddos. I have learned a thing or two about dealing with them in the morning. Maziwa ndio inanilemea bado. That stuff inavutaga bangi or it takes steroids. Iko na negative energy ingine mbaya. I will look at the sufuria the whole time na bado itamwagika. Maziwa should be described as dangerous goods. Mbwa,shokde,maziwa ilikam kunitundura….whatever that means.
Wacha wanawake wapewe heshima yao….